心情小栈

1/18/12

victoriajia1 — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 10:03:51 +0000

dear,

today i just realized what i have lost – my pride. i miss the old me, the one who is confident, have so much pride, and hope for myself. i really believed i could do anything if i wanted to. and i just realized i still can. why can’t i?

i still have my dream, i can’t find an excuse why i can’t achieve it!

i will do what i want to do, and i will try the hardest to make it happen!

thank you God, for taking care of me regardless of my shape.

01/13/12

victoriajia1 — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 08:40:59 +0000

Dear,

I was looking at my friend’s picture. She and her boyfriend went to Disneyland. They look so happily in love. Their smile lightened me up too. I feel their happiness.

I wish one day I can face myself and be happy, doesn’t matter if I am alone or with someone.

Vicky

01/12/2012

victoriajia1 — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 09:45:52 +0000

Dear,

today i was looking at my green card and i realized that it will expire after two more years, which means by that time i will be here for 10 full years. and then i wondered, what have i done in these 10 years? I have learned a lot, but not enough; experienced some and looking forward to experience more. My mom told me I should start to apply for citizenship after i come back, then it reminded me of Shun. He said “It’s ok that u r not citizen right now, you will be one after we get married.” He really thought of marrying me seriously. He loved me, but we are no longer suitable for each other. It’s unfortunate that one person is so close to be perfect, and there is just one thing keeping us away. It had happened twice.

I am leaving on the 22nd of this month, back to Beijing. Hopefully will see Emma there. I need some time to be with myself. This will be a great journey, I am looking forward to it.

Vicky

oh dear, see u later!

victoriajia1 — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 09:26:03 +0000

oh boy, thank u for being here for this long. but now u r officially out of my life. see u!
maybe not…
wish u well!
bye!

圣诞节我的梦醒了

victoriajia1 — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 04:33:13 +0000

我真的爱到尽头了我用尽了全身的力气去爱你也许是我的爱来得太快吓到了你不过现在我真的懂了我们在一起真得不合适现在的我没有力气再来爱你了我不知道真正的原因也许是因为我的身体和心都太累太累了我在爱你多一点我就会死掉我并没有要埋怨你或是恨你这些事情都不是我们能控制的已经发生的事情我们都参与了其中我爱过你没有人逼我我相信你也深深的喜欢过我只是因为很多不可抗拒的原因那些喜欢慢慢的褪了色这是会发生的我理解感谢上帝让我遇见了你让我学到很多东西让我经历了用尽全身力气爱一个人的恋情（至少在一开始是这样）这样就算我要离开这世界的时候我也不后悔我知道上帝是爱我们的未来会更好我会实现自己的梦想我有一天会坐在花园里看我的孙子孙女绕膝玩闹而我的丈夫会与我在阳光下相视而笑这些美好的梦不会因为配角不是你而失色我会快乐自己快乐你也会有你的快乐我唯一的希望就是你能在这次的感情里学到一些东西以后能对你身边的人多些关爱对生活能多些思考对不起我不能笑着祝福你因为我心里毕竟还有伤我现在不想要再见到你以后谁知道呢？我想再出发在找到我自己再找到愿意和我分享幸福的人我会好好的我们大家都会好好的

i am afraid of losing you

victoriajia1 — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 09:10:19 +0000

i just realized the one thing that i am afraid the most is stop loving you

if one day i forgot about you then what i would become?

i will be nothing, no one

i need you in my life

you are the reason of my smile

i cannot help but want you more everyday every second

I want to keep loving you…

I can’t forget you

victoriajia1 — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 03:22:38 +0000

i can’t forget you, I cannot stop myself from reviewing all the details that we had. I miss your face, your smile, your bear, your hug, cannot forget you said “but I am still here right now”. I can’t forget you. I miss you.

it’s been a month, almost

victoriajia1 — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 18:50:14 +0000

it’s been a month, i am getting better. even though i still seeing you around, but the pain is merging away from me. but it doesn’t mean i don’t care anymore, i still care about you. still thinking about you, it just won’t kill me anymore. i am learning to live with this constant missing of you, and try to be happy being here without you. please forgive me for stop talking to you, let’s not initiate any more confusions or tears. we will be ok, may God’s grace surround us as always.

A blue day

victoriajia1 — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 06:18:35 +0000

今天好伤心好伤心 Emma走了她跟何昊的感情也告了一个段落最近几年内我都看不到Emma了心里觉得很失落时间久了感情就会淡不知道以后我们会怎么样但是我真心感谢上帝给我认识她的机会这几年我学到很多做人处事的方法而且过得很开心

虽然长了这么多年但是还是没有办法接受生活中的人来人往我不想别人离开我害怕面对别离

有好久好久没有这么这么难过了一旦陷入这种情绪里面就很难爬出来

我为Emma的离开而难过为他们美好纯洁的感情的无疾而终而心疼我为信慧在感情上的不顺而不平我为我自己因为文化不同被拒绝而心酸

为什么互相喜欢的人不能在一起？为什么喜欢对方要有条件？为什么不能坦荡的面对自己的心？这世界上那么多事都不会按照我们的意愿走我们不应该再给自己上枷锁如果我们的精神被禁锢情感被关押那么所有的一切就不值得被留恋

很多时候我觉得自己对他已经释怀已经不在乎但是我还是会时常想起他所有的一切都会让我想起他关于他的故事已经过去的小细节可是不管我怎么样我只希望你能幸福我想让你没有强迫自己的生活希望你总是有笑容因为只有这样我的离开才是有价值的而我也会努力站起来自己拉自己一把不让自己继续沉沦努力去爱下一个人只有活得一天比一天好才对得起过去

我爱你我也爱自己 :)

现在总算自己打破了这面墙以后都会好起来的

God is always with me, through glorious time and through time like this.

Thank you God.

i miss you

victoriajia1 — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 05:30:11 +0000

u are the first one i think about right after i wake up.

u are popping up here and there.

i think of you all the time,

can’t forget u.

i miss you.